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Geek Sex & Other Myths, Part 1: The Art Of The Cyber-Flirt

Let’s be honest, if you’re like me, you’re generally better online than in person. After all, the online realm is safer than real life. You can choose your words, no pesky worries about garlic breath, and everyone thinks you look like your avatar ;-)

We’ve all been there, at one time or another. We find someone interesting online and, either because we’re feeling intrigued, a bit saucy or have had one too many shots, we start up a flirtatious conversation.

But how do you know if you’ve said the right thing or if you’ve just managed to utterly squick someone out?

Find out with…

5 Beginning Steps To Geek Sex: The Cyber-Flirt.

  1. Use complete sentences.

    We’ve all seen it. The online stud who thinks you’re going to dive under the cyber sheets when he sends that amazing “How R U, sexay?” or the every popular “U R hott!” (With two “t’s” for emphasis)

    Don’t be “that guy”. We’ve all seen Dateline: To Catch a Predator. Unless you want to end up there, I suggest you avoid these types of messages. Catch my drift? ::grin::

  2. “If At First you Don’t Succeed, Try Try Again” is not a cyber flirt’s motto.

    You sent the tweet or IM and you’ve gotten no response. This is cyberspace. The message went out. Sending 3 or four more is only going to make you look like Mikey in Swingers (ladies, you know you’ve done it too). And you don’t want that, do you?

    There are all kinds of people online with all sorts of interests. If you don’t get a response, it doesn’t mean you’re being rejected. It just means it didn’t click. It’s cool. Move on.

    Note: If it happens all the time, maybe you need to adjust your game. These things take practice. Besides, the greatest motivator is that on the WORLD wide web, there’s plenty of fish in the sea. ;-)

  3. Live in the moment and keep it fun

    The internet is the wild west of flirtation and the rules are constantly changing. A good percentage of online flirtation is just for kicks and a great way to pass the time. If you take every response seriously or think you’ve found your “soulmate” you’re missing the point.

    Bottom line, there are all sorts of folks on the web with all sorts of real life that you’ll never see or know about. Know why? Because they like it that way. So, keep it light, keep it breezy, hang on and have fun.

    Before you say something that signals a pledge of your undying love to someone you met in a forum, consider the secrets you keep, and the messages you send. It’s good to be mindful when playing around.

  4. Wordplay as foreplay.

    If you’ve never engaged in a hot and heavy innuendo session by tweet or text, you’re missing out. In the end, this is where geeks seem to have the upper hand. If you’re confident about your intelligence and use of language, you’re more than likely going to be a veritable beast when it comes to the cyber flirt.

    Let’s face it, being able to wield a double entendre with ease and dexterity is amazingly sexy. You have the option choose your words before you hit send. Use them, love them, make them your slave. ;-)

  5. Knowing when it’s time to take it to the next level.

    Likely the trickiest and most interesting because it’s all about knowing how to read the situation and when you can stop dancing around the subject and dive in, so to speak.

    If you’ve been there, you know what I mean. You’ve traded messages. The innuendo has been building and you both want to see where it might go. (Not sure when you’ve reached this point? Practice steps 1 – 4 again until you have those down. No point in trying to get ahead of the class.)

    Ultimately every situation is unique. The key is always to be open to whatever may come, and enjoy the journey without having any expectations.

As for what the next level is and where all of this hot and heavy typing can take you next?

Well, we’ll save that for another time.

For now test the waters, and to quote a famous line from Hill Street Blues, “Be careful out there.”


  1. Agreed. Poor spelling and/or grammar is a no-no.

    You should send this to the people on plentyoffish. Some of them need the advice.

  2. I was so careful for a while when my girlfriend and I first started dating. We would primarily communicate during the day using Facebook and email because we were at work, and I made sure that every single line was carefully crafted because we met while we were both going for our Master’s degrees in English. What is a worse way to prove that I’m worth her time than to be be bad at what we met doing?

    Since then I’ve really loosened up, but I agree with the whole speaking in whole sentences and actually considering what you write to be communication to be the primary concern when dealing with any kind of written flirting.

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