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An Open Letter to the idiots saying Adrianne Curry “asked for it”.

I’m going to preface this by saying I’m angry and I’m sure other people have said this more cogently than I will. I’ll even admit I don’t have all the details. But I’ve read @AdrianneCurry‘s tweetstream and what I read was appalling enough for me to chime in.

If you’re not aware, Adrienne was assaulted at Celebration V by a guy who thought it was just dandy to stick his hand up her skirt and grope her while she was at the con and cosplaying as Slave Leia. 
That, on its own, is enough to piss me off.
But the topper here is that there are people telling Ms. Curry that she “asked for it” because of the way she was dressed.
Seriously? SERIOUSLY?
Let me break this down for anyone who, for a moment, agrees with that sentiment.
1) In what world is it ever okay to touch a woman, especially in an intimate way, without express permission? 
2) We’re talking about a woman who was dressed in a Slave Leia costume at a Star Wars convention. Forget the fact that the “you were asking for it” sentiment is bullshit on its face, we’re talking about a woman wearing a costume from the fandom being represented at the convention.  
3) The guy was arrested, as he should have been, because it was ASSAULT. Your opinions on the validity of that arrest aren’t the point — the fact is the cops (and Adrianne) saw it as assault and that’s what matters here.
We’re talking about a geek gal, dressed for a Star Wars con, who got groped and was both physically and mentally wounded. Before you open your mouth to offer anything but condolences, ask yourself what you’d be thinking if she was your sister, or your girlfriend, or your mom.
Because women of all ages go to cons and cosplay — normally feeling pretty safe in the belief that they’re surrounded by people who understand and respect them.
So, if you’re reading this and you were one of the people who thought Adrianne “asked for it”, do me a favor? Apologize to the lady.



  1. The incident reported is wrong and has no place in civil society.

    Additionally, the gender of the person attacked is irrelevant. It is wrong to grope anyone of any gender without permission. Before anyone claims that this sort of thing does not happen to men, pay attention to what happens to men wearing traditional kilts. There is a widespread habit (especially in the UK) for women and men to “check” whether the kilt has the appropriate missing undergarments.

    Groping and other unwelcome intimate contact is wrong and should be punished in all cases irrespective of the gender of those affected.

  2. I hadn’t heard of this before and I’m not a huge fan of hers, but agree completely with what you’ve said. The whole mindset of “dressed like that, you’re asking for it” is sickening and outdated. Assault is assault. End of story.

    Thanks for your thoughts- my inner feminist roars with you ;)

  3. I’m way late on this, thanks to traveling and all that crap, but WHAT. Seriously?

    You know, people hate feminists for going on about patriarchal society and how it’s based around making women second class citizens. But you know what? ANYONE who says a woman “deserves” being assaulted, raped, or abused is a symptom of that society and is full of shit. No one, male or female, deserves abuse, and I’d like to see the assholes saying this actually tell someone that in real life, without the nice anonymity of the internet to hide behind.

    Jesus, this is revolting.

  4. I am just shocked that someone in this day and age is using “she was asking for it”.

    I really hope that not only the jerk that assulted her but all the brain-dead losers who commented negatively get exactly what they deserve.

  5. C C

    I think what Anonymous is saying is more that …. unfortunately, it’s the society we live in. A woman should be able to trust that the men around her aren’t going to grope her. But that’s not the world we live in. I’m not saying men are rape machines, just that some of them, like the man who committed assault, are dangerous. Women do have to protect themselves. They SHOULDN’T have to, but they do. It’s the same reason I don’t walk home alone at night. BUT, if I got raped, I know it’s not my fault, because in a better world, there wouldn’t be men lurking in the streets looking for someone to assault. I have a right to walk wherever I want, whenever I want.

    It’s a complicated issue and unfortunately the above poster is right: we focus too much on what women can/should do to protect themselves and not enough on telling would-be assaulters that rape is wrong. It really does make it all too easy for victims to blame themselves when something happens. People should be able to live their lives without fear of being raped.

  6. Why are there people like this still!?!!? Why are there people like this still!?!!?

    I don’t know what infuriates me more… that this still happens, or people like Anonymous who defend the people who do it.

    “However, women who cosplay like Mrs. Curry does in the outfits like she wears needs to realize that there are people out there that aren’t going to respect the boundaries of polite society and protect themselves accordingly.”

    People like the assaulter and Anonymous should be arrested on site with harsher punishments. Can i make a suggestion to you

    People like you should wear a shirt saying that you believe victims of assault deserve what they get. Then anyone can come up to you and wail on you without needing to fear getting in trouble with the law.

  7. Valkyrie607 Valkyrie607

    Anonymous, you’re just part of the problem. Walking around in a bikini is NOT AT ALL equivalent to driving a car without wearing a seat belt. Unless of course you subscribe to the idea that men are just rape machines with no self-control, who are just waiting to assault someone. If you do believe this, well, I think you’re a bigot towards men as well as women, and, like I said, people like you are part of the problem.

  8. Anonymous Anonymous

    “Because women of all ages go to cons and cosplay — normally feeling pretty safe in the belief that they’re surrounded by people who understand and respect them.”

    That’s like driving a car without wearing a seatbelt believing that everyone else is going to be responsible and careful drivers so you’ll be okay.

    Now I don’t believe women “deserve it” when something like this happens, I believe quite the opposite.

    However, women who cosplay like Mrs. Curry does in the outfits like she wears needs to realize that there are people out there that aren’t going to respect the boundaries of polite society and protect themselves accordingly.

    I understand she had 2 guys with her and IMO they should have been on the lookout for guys like A-hole grabby hands and stopped him before he laid a finger on her.

  9. First I’ve heard of the incident, and my first thought was immediately “What if this happened to my girlfriend?” who, like myself, is a performer. Unfortunately our culture also views the woman as weak, especially in the entertainment industry, if a man steps in for her, so I have to chain myself when sleazebags sexually harass her and let her deal with it herself, which thankfully, her intellect makes her more than capable of doing. If someone assaulted her as that scumbag did to Ms. Curry, there would be no way I could control myself. The “deserved it,” line really only works if the person did something to actually deserve it… as in if this guy gets raped in prison. He deserves it.

  10. I am trying to keep this calm and clear, rather than rage off, which is my natural instinct.

    That this happened, is obscene. That people’s response is, that Ms. Curry was, “Asking for it,” is obscene. It is also what happens every day. We live in a culture where women are told what, *THEY* are supposed to do, in order to not be raped/assaulted, rather than people being taught not to rape/assault other people.
    In other cultures, women are routinely jailed, whipped, and murdered, because they’ve been raped/assaulted.
    I am glad that people have stood up and said, “This is wrong,” in response to this situation. However, if you want to change the culture that gives tacit approval and encouragement to the behavior this man exhibited, there’s a lot more work to be done. It’s worth doing. Because as so many comments have pointed out – it could be your mother, sister, daughter, friend, lover, spouse. It could be anyone’s family, or any one of us.
    I’m speaking from experience. Maybe we geeks need to rally here, and take an opportunity to say that This is not acceptable under any circumstances. Ever.

  11. Anonymous Anonymous

    Thanks for bringing attention to this. Attitudes like the assaulter’s and those supporting him by saying she asked for it have no place in civilized society.

  12. This is the first I’ve heard of it. The validity of the arrest can be contested but that’s not the point here. If you think she deserved what she got, replace the name Adrienne Curry with your mother,sister,girlfriend or even yourself. Guys joke about wanting to be molested but can you honestly say you’d welcome it if this was you?

    Here’s another thought. Say you’re wearing that Alex Ross shirt that has Bush as a vampire sucking blood out of the Statue of Liberty. Do you deserve some guy to come up and slug you? Of course not. You’re expressing yourself. Same as Ms. Curry.

    Frankly down here in Texas we have ways of dealing with people like this “man” who assaulted her and he needs to feel lucky there wasn’t that kind of thinking going on at Celebration.

    Interesting sidenote. the captcha for this post is the word “chasten”. weird.

  13. William William

    I (as maybe other people) didn’t know about this incident before DH posted a (re-)tweet. What I do know of pictures on Twitter (DH) that there were more women in Slave Leia costumes. There was also a Sith Ball with less clothing. Does that give you the right to misbehave. The simple and straightforward answer is, NO. You wouldn’t on the beach or somewhere else. Freaks like these are of all times and need a check-up or be locked up.
    As I am from The Netherlands and we are here maybe (I say maybe) a little more (sexually) open than the USA, or you could say it’s a bit more excepted. BUT, also here people are assaulted / raped. It’s I think got more to do with misbehaving people who can’t control themselves than it has something to do with how open a society is about these kind of subjects. In one way or another, it’s never an excuse to do something like this. And that as was said, on such a place where you think you would be more save than normal.

  14. Ditto! Respect is not an option in a civilized society; and, gentlemanshi has not vanished.

  15. Like some posters above, I didn’t know of this happening either, but I’m glad you’re shedding some light and the DH retweet is only going to help.

    Sure, it’s an outfit that is going to get you looks. That’s what she’s trying to get; looks. Anyone can make an excuse for anything, and it won’t make it acceptable.

  16. Totally unbelievable, this guy needs taking round the back of the convention centre and sorting out. You just don’t DO that! Granted, Adrianne looked stunning (kind of the point) but…hell…you just DON’T. Hope he gets his comeuppance.

  17. Hadn’t heard of this incident before reading this post either, but oh my god. I cannot believe that someone did that and that others say she was asking for it. Does that mean any woman who wears a bikini is asking for it? Oh, hell no! You’re at the beach/pool/whatever, it’s acceptable to wear such clothing there. Just as it’s acceptable to wear a Slave Leia costume at a Star Wars Celebration. (And I’m pretty damn sure she wasn’t the only Slave Leia walking around either.)
    Geez, why do we have to be so prudish in this country?

  18. Matt Matt

    This is the first I’ve heard of both the original situation, and the reaction, and both are appalling in the extreme. I hope they throw the book at the perp, and that anyone who said she “asked for it” should see what it’s like to be violated like that.

  19. Better yet, instead of apologizing, how about taking a long walk off a short pier because society doesn’t need that type of Neanderthal-level thinking. We’ll all do fine without you. Dumb-asses.

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