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5 Tips on Proper Geek Male Maintenance (or How To Keep your Geek Male Running Smoothly)

There was a great article on how to meet and woo Nerdy Girls and I’ve recently seen lots of posts on how to catch/date/seduce the female Geek.

But I haven’t seen a lot suggestions for the ladies on how to deal with the Geek Male.

Being a female Geek, I tend to approach my Geek Males a bit differently since I’m into the things they’re into.

Now, I’ll admit. I did ask for a little help with this one, as I am not male and perspective is key. So, with the help of @zombologist and tongue firmly in cheek, I offer:

5 Tips on Proper Geek Male Maintenance
  1. Geek Males often work in fields that cause them to have to think a great deal and work long or irregular hours. This generally results in what I call “hurty brain”*

    *Hurty Brain stems from the repeated misfiring of synapses that occurs when a question is asked of a geek that is light years behind what they specialize in.

    Talking to them when they are fresh off dealing with the “raging stupid” is likely a bad idea as they aren’t always able to distinguish you from the enemy while suffering from “Hurty Brain”.

    Crack them a beer or pour them a glass of whatever they prefer and let them be for a while. Giving them time to read webcomics or kill a few things on the PS3 lets them unwind, allows the brain to repair itself and gives the beast within time to settle down.

  2. Geek Males need play time. Whether it’s Xbox, Warcraft, or building PC’s from parts, geek guys need time to engage in said activities. Without harassment. You may not know a Tauren from a Master Chief, but just because you may not get it doesn’t mean he doesn’t think its pretty dang awesome.

    Side note: This is true for any hobby, really. If you haven’t found a way to give your guy a couple of nights to do what he likes without interruption, you’re going to find yourself single fairly soon.

    If you engage in the same activities (and enjoy them – no fair just “pretending” so you can be included), that opens up the possibilities. Heck, girls like Magic just as much as boys do and any Geek worth his salt loves a woman who knows how rock the DPS. ;-)

    2a. NOTE: Geeks do have a tendency to lose track of time and may go over limit. Pulling your geek away from his hobbies may at times seem daunting, but I’m sure you can think of a way to get his attention ;-).

  3. Let’s talk about movies. Be fair. Really. Asking a guy to watch a “chick flick” is already asking a lot. (On a side note, I’ve never really understood why women ask that. I mean, why would you want to torment a guy? ::grin:: Don’t you have girlfriends to go to the movies with?)

    Solution? Trade off. If you’re going to ask him to watch Steel Magnolias, you’d better be ready to watch Buckaroo Banzai. Know what I mean?

  4. Buying him a present? Want to know what he wants? Giftcards. Giftcards. Giftcards.

    Why? Because Geek males are horridly self sufficient. You’re going to buy him a book or a game and you’ll be –so- proud of yourself that you remembered he wanted the new David Weber hardback when you were at the mall.

    But by the time you’re ready to give it to him he’ll walk into the house with a bag from Best Buy or Borders because he got it for himself. Yeah, I’m looking at you.

  5. Lastly, and perhaps the most challenging…engaging the geek male in conversation. Obviously you got through the door if you’re reading this list and taking notes, but knowing how to communicate with the opposite sex is what makes or breaks any relationship.

    Learn how to speak Geek or at least learn to actively listen to the Geek in your life.

    For reference, let’s define what “geek” means, and for that we call upon the words of a college professor: Being a geek means possessing and being passionate about knowledge that no one cares about or considers.

    No one.

    So, you can see that the geek male is largely ignored throughout his natural life, even amongst his own people. There is hope because being male, geek males understand the logic of an argument even if the rest of the natural world believes the argument to be nonsense. The key is to counter his geek with your own.

    There’s got to be something inside you, or easily accessible that you can call into discussion as a parallel to form an argument. Draw the parallel and you’re good. He may not understand it in perfect context, but he will acknowledge your passion for it and your attempt at relating.

    He may also secretly wet himself a little.

Good luck ;-)

Zombologist currently resides in a cardboard box with an ethernet connection that is actually just a cord punctured through the wall of that box. If you want to find this ragged individual, check twitter, where his alias is also @zombologist, or just go read this nifty story he wrote once in between incoherent ramblings.


  1. Love everything on the list but gift cards. Just give me cash. Don’t restrict where I spend my money. Let me choose where I spend my money.

  2. Yeah, don’t feed the trolls. Anonymous isn’t even on point and clearly is unqualified to comment, especially when he didn’t even read for comprehension.

    Anyway, my The Boy is a total geek, and sometimes our tastes overlap, but sometimes… not so much, and we either learn about the other’s stuff or acknowledge that we don’t have to share EVERYthing.

    I think your point is pretty clear and valid – like the geekboy for who he really is and I mean, really accept him. I learned early on that if there’s a soccer game on, especially if he’s had a rough day, either I can watch it with him or leave him to it. If I chose to berate him for watching the game instead of paying attention to me, that’d be about my insecurity (which I don’t have, because unlike some OTHER commentators, I am an adult who understands how to be in a relationship) and not his need to just relax and take a break in front of something he enjoys.

  3. Great post.

    Ignore the trolls, it was a light-hearted and interesting post. I always enjoy your blog.

  4. @Anonymous,

    Y’know, I was going to let this be, however, I feel I should mention.

    1) Clearly, you have no understanding of what “tongue in cheek” means. The post was also co-written with a guy, so maybe you disliked his advice and not mine? ;-)

    2) You state you’ve never been in a relationship, so come back and talk to me about the “concept of relationship” once you have actual empirical data.

    3) You obviously dislike me and disagree with me. So, I’d suggest you stop doing damage to your sanity by reading my blog in the first place.

    4) You really made the “phreak” comment? Do we get to parse “Hackers” vs. “Crackers” next?

    and finally..

    5) I never claimed to be the “only geek girl”. However, I’d pit the strength of my “epeen” against yours any day as I’ve clearly gotten more geek girl (and boy) love in my life than you have.

    You really are an angry person, and you might want to look to that if you ever hope to be in a relationship.

    Just sayin’.

    p.s. Further comments of this nature will not be approved. So, feel free to move along and troll elsewhere.

  5. Oh look, anonymous must have sprained his wrist again, the lack of sex is making him cranky.

    Look, here’s a new game for you to try, instead of trolling this blog:

    1) Take 3 Advil PMs
    2) Try to masturbate before you pass out.

    either way, you win, and it’s probably going to make you happier in the long run.

    Lord knows if you’re passed out in a puddle of your own jizz, *we’ll* all be happier.

  6. Geo Geo

    I like this quite a bit, since I can totally relate this to my geeky/nerdy boyfriend. Lucky for him I can classify myself under these things as well. This kind of reminds me of a piece I did last month on NerdSalad, called “How to Date a Nerd Girl.” Bit of the same vein in humor. :)

  7. DK DK

    I like the ‘hurty brain’ description…

  8. Hahaha that was too funny, keep up the great writing :)

  9. Re Point 1: as a parent of young children once remarked, “Everyone needs some fall-down time.” That pretty well covers it, whatever the sex or occupation.

  10. Mirelle Mirelle

    My boy is a super mega uber geek…and I thank you for this blog…I thought I was the only one!! While I am a nerd too, we are in different fields (he’s in IT and I’m in medicine) I need an IT nerd dictonary and he needs one for medicine!! hehehehehe
    WELL DONE!! :)

  11. Anonymous Anonymous

    This is just insulting to everybody !

    “buy him a gift card”… why? because he suddenly doesn’t like gifts of food or clothing ? use your brain !!

  12. I love it. I keep up pretty good maintenance on my geek, but I love all these pointers.
    Actually, I just poured him another glass of wine while he’s sitting on his computer playing Sins of a Solar Empire, so I’d say I’m doing a pretty good job
    Great post!

  13. I could have sworn I commented on this yesterday – please forgive me for failing in the basics of clicking.

    But I laughed all the way through this…Hurty brain is something most geeks suffer from – regardless of gender. When The Hubby comes home after a long day of dealing with The Raging Stupid, it’s almost fortunate that he tends to come home to someone who has suffered the same affliction during the day. We’re soulmates really.

  14. classic case of people confusing the writer from the written. I thought we kicked some ass, and took some names.

    Also, neither of us are licensed relationship counselors, we offer no degrees or elements of expertise (except my mention of the college professor), why would you think any of this is credible?

    If you base your relationship off of something you read on a blog, you might have more to worry about than whether or not the blog is sexist. #justsayin #kthxbai

  15. @n1000 continued

    But, really, that list I just wrote? -That-s advice in my book and I wasn’t looking to give advice. I was looking to blow off steam and have fun on a Friday.

    In the end, I’m not responsible for how people take what I write. If they get something out of it great, if not, cool too.

    The internet is a funny thing, full of opinion and perspective. I had people tell me this was brilliant and people tell me it sucked.

    Me? I thought it was alright. I certainly didn’t think it would garner the kind of attention it did.

    But while I’m sorry you may not have gotten the post in the spirit I intended, I also think your judgment of my writing is one sided and that you haven’t read other stuff so you don’t know my tone.

    Maybe you will. Maybe not. But I appreciate you taking the time to have the dialogue regardless and I appreciate you reading in the first place.


  16. @n1000

    I’m actually not dismissing arguments. If I wanted to do that, I could have rejected negative comments. But I appreciate other people’s opinions.

    To be totally honest, I hardly expected a reaction. When I wrote this, it was a Friday and I was having fun.

    Still, let me say this. Do I think every thing I suggested has some merit? Yeah.

    Do I think anyone should do any of it all the time and to extremes? Do I think a woman should subjugate herself to a man? No.

    But look at the points and, without jokes or expansion, they are.

    1) Be mindful of someone’s need for time to chill after a long day.

    2) Give your SO the space to have a hobby without giving them grief about it. Everyone needs time for the things they like to do.

    3) Don’t make your SO watch a movie just because you hate to watchmovies alone. If you’re going to ask them to watch one for you, watch one for them.

    4) The giftcard thing – read it again. It’s totally there. From experience. My geeks more than once have told me to my face buy me a giftcard. Why? Because they have managed to buy themselves exactly what I got them and then felt like crap cause they did.

    5) I had help on 5 and a guy wrote it. But I’d boil it down to “be interested and interesting”

  17. Cool, you’re dismissing arguments against your article by pulling a “tongue in cheek” card.

    Many of the comenters lauding the post see it as serious advice, the ideas and writing as juvenile as they are. The tone is humorless except for an ironic, self-depricating pseudo-humor which seeps through under close scrutiny: the article murmurs, “laugh at me, I’m giving bad advice.”

    It’s not funny, the advice is insulting, and you’re a _much_ better writer than this.

  18. @Dave

    First let me say, I appreciate the thoughtful comments and that you took the time to say something.

    I do need to say, however, that the “list” as a whole was written with a very tongue in cheek perspective and I’d be the last person to advocate anyone changing who they are or becoming Donna Reed. ;-)

    However, there’s a little bit of truth in the humor (as I have discovered with my own GeekBoy) and a lot of humor in the truth.

    ::grin:: But if anyone has an image of me standing at the door with a beer wearing a teddy….let me tell you. That ain’t me.

    Do me a favor. Look at it as a Friday goof and read it again? ::wink::

  19. Some critiques:

    (1) While an offer of a tasty adult beverage does indeed sound like a good way to transition from a frustrating day to the warm embrace of hearth and home, not every day is steak and a BJ day. My expectation for a mate is to be a human being with female parts, preferably geeky. If the Donna Reed scenario became the normal routine, I’d begin to question things on many levels.

    A better bit of advice would be to get to know your partner and try to exhibit a bit of understanding, tact and grace – and expect them to do the same. A well-timed beer might be just the thing on a particular day, but if your day wasn’t all wine and roses, the roles could just as easily be reversed.

    (2a) Yes, offers of sex will usually work. Much more important, however, is simply having effective communication to begin with. No matter how many crappy movies have told you differently, pouting in the corner is not the most effective way to communicate that you’re feeling ignored.

    “Hey, reality’s calling” said with a smile should work pretty well, especially if we already know we’ve been into whatever it is for too long. Conversely, getting petulant the minute you don’t get your way is a great way to turn on my passive aggressive avoidance filters, which has the net effect of you getting ignored even longer, on purpose, just to show you that you’re not the only one who can be passively aggressive. Yes, it’s childish, but so is that pouty face you’ve been showing.

    (3) Regardless of what kind of movie it is, understand ahead of time that there will be conversation involved, during and after the movie. The conversation during the movie will generally be limited to mocking it, so the better the movie is, the quieter the geek will be while the movie is still running. Plan accordingly.

    (4) Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Making an uninformed choice on a DVD for a movie geek is roughly analagous to making an uninformed choice on a purse for a fashionista. This, like so many points on this list, has less to do with geekiness and more to do with learning about your partner and about your own ability to successfully predict what would and would not be a good gift.

    (5) This one basically boils down to “Here’s how to patronize geeks.” Screw that. If you’re just going to patronize me, I’m going to tell you to GTFO. I get that elsewhere for free. How about just leaving it at “Be intelligent and able to craft a sentence in such a way as to include something related to the point that you are trying to make, and, ideally to move an argument for that point forward.”

    (General) Don’t make assumptions that use gender stereotypes as their basis. Unless everybody involved has a 1950’s household fetish, it’s insulting across the board. People should feel free to be into whatever they’re into, but don’t try to change or lie about who you are just to fit into some arbitrary mold. It’s exhausting, temporary, and is rarely the best course of action.

  20. I dont like the term ‘geek’ I prefer ‘socially challenged’ lol :-)

  21. HAHA Check out that last response! /
    Uhmmm. Yeahhhh. ANYway – Nice post!
    It’s pretty much all true. Luckily, I don’t need to show this to my wife since she could easily have written it herself. I got lucky.

  22. Very well written and at points I did laugh out loud.

    The the comment (not yours) that state we are 5-year-olds (sic) is obviously someone who doesn’t get it.

  23. Anonymous Anonymous

    Let me translate:

    “geek guys” are men with the mentality and sophistication of 5-year-olds. Why would any woman want to date someone who constantly plays computer games, acts like an asshole in response to ‘simple’ questions (the ‘hurty brain’ bs), can’t converse along normal social lines, enjoys gift cards as a primary gift source (13-year-old?), etc.

    “Geeks” need to grow up.

  24. Anonymous Anonymous

    Whats the opposite of a geek?

    A twerp! Look it up.

  25. Anonymous Anonymous

    Wow wish my gf would read this… lol awesome blog

  26. Anonymous Anonymous

    I’ve been that woman MurrayC, I always get the strangest looks at the comic book store, or hobby store trying to pick out geeky things for my husband, I usually leave with a gift card.

  27. Anonymous Anonymous

    OMG, it’s like you’ve seen my soul. This is going straight to the wife. Maybe she’ll listen if it comes from someone other than me.

  28. Anonymous Anonymous

    Wait… I don’t think you’re actually a geek at all.

  29. Liz Liz

    Well done! It’s great to have the male perspective and now we have bookended posts. :) I hear you on the gaming side of it…as I sit here typing, watching the husband start his day with a round of Call of Duty.

  30. liam511 is right, how is anyone giving this positive comments? Just because a woman is spouting disgusting misogynist bullcrap doesn’t mean it’s not disgusting misogynist bullcrap.

  31. Anonymous Anonymous

    Okay, after 8 1/2 years of “Til Geek do we Part” this strikes me as totally right on. But can you remind men that if you are dual boxing two characters on an MMOG while looking up your quest on a third computer, and you ignore a suggestion to come to bed, there will not be a second one?

    Also, Geek Gals get hurty brain too, especially after the Geeklings come along. Turn off the damn computer and spend some time with your family every now and then.

  32. MurrayC MurrayC

    My wife used to go on out of town business trips, she would hit the comic shops with my “want-list” after her meetings wearing her power-suit with briefcase in tow. From what she has told me, it was quite the site to see her bent over long-boxes of comics looking for back issues for me.

  33. Funny you should mention “Steel Magnolias.” It’s my favorite “chick flick” ever.

  34. Any guy who’s worth a damn wants a woman and not a slave. If this article is meant to be taken seriously, it is damaging. If it is meant to be humorous it is in bad taste.

    PS. 20yo geeky male here.

  35. I am giving this to my wife.

    Wait, no. That’s a terrible idea, because it implies that she’s doing it wrong. No. Not good.

    How can I devise a plan wherein she will see it all by herself… Hmmmm…

  36. Anonymous Anonymous

    Is that what a geek is about? That doesn’t sound anything like me…

  37. This essay reads like a check-out asile gossip rag headline. You sell traditional gender-role garbage wrapped up in this hilariously out of touch “geek” language. Sorry, but pained attempts at immitating Internet colloquialisms doesn’t obscure your amateur writing.

    Geek girls: Please do not give your man money, no cash, no gift certificates. The article, itself, states that geeks are “horridly self sufficient.” Geeks are indeed self-sufficient and thus have monetary income, or are so liberated that a gift of cash would be seen as a new chain to the world of Mammon. As a gift, cash is impotent. My mother gives me cash. Buy him a geeky toy, they’re all over the place. If you go out of your way to create something legitimately cool for your geek male you will have done something supremely attractive and loving.

    Your “tip” on movies is equally insulting. A geek man and a geek woman watch films that beget conversation. I’ve scarcely met geeks who don’t have strong opinions on movies. Being subjected to “‘chick flicks'” is unnaceptable by woman and man geek alike. Gonna spend 2 hours sitting, watching a non-interactive interface? The internet is so good, so full of content that it is all we can do to watch the best films in our time away from it.

    “‘hurty brain,'” (who are you quoting, anyway?) try not to harp, and have conversations (really?)–as the reader can see, the rest of your article is equally stupid.

    Audience: if you wish to relate to a geek on anything more than a superficial level, I suggest you expand your mind by reading _absolutely anything_ other than bloggy drivel like this.

  38. Anonymous Anonymous

    Please write a book on this subject and expand it!

  39. My future girlfriend(s) will have to sign a printout of this blogpost. Great stuff ;D

  40. Cute Geeky Girls. We Love You.

  41. Much truth to this… now I just gotta find me a geek chick :(

  42. You´re so right!!!
    I always have the gift´s problem… and you gave me the perfect idea to fix it jajaja :D

    And the Lingerie idea… good move!

    I like so much this blog

  43. Rob Rob

    I LOVE Buckaroo Banzai.

  44. You hit the nail on the head!
    I’m forwarding this to Wifey right NOW!

  45. Anonymous Anonymous

    I’m definately no geek but i found this article interesting. I think I want to marry you! Why can’t normal girls understand steps 1-4?

  46. Anonymous Anonymous

    Just posted a minute ago. I’m a fairly huge geek/nerd thought I’d post on the woot! for today. So….

    yeah, buy your geek guy that

  47. Anonymous Anonymous

    Being a male I feel as if we men outnumber geek girls by a fairly large quantity. When you get to them though, the few girls out there do not understand the point. There are those, however, who can nail our personalities to the wall, so I’m happy to randomly trip off this blog.

    Side note: Went to a concert few days ago. Even I would bring my DS anywhere because random boredom is always a problem. Mobile fun!

    yeah this is bookmarked

  48. Anonymous Anonymous

    Giftcards? NO! Cash. Any geek knows that a giftcard is like cash that only works at one store. Give them cash, it is like the giftcard that works everywhere.

  49. I must say- dating a geek myself, I agree with all the said above.

    It’s amusing to me to realize how true it is…

  50. I couldn’t have said it better! I’ve been married to my geek for 8 years and I’ve had to learn lessons 1-5 by trial and error. I can attest to the fact that “hurty brain” is real. I definitely would recommend #5 to anyone in a relationship. Communication is key. All of it is excellent advice.

  51. Anonymous Anonymous

    I hearby agree to the above and put my credibility on the line by saying that this is completely and entirely accurate.



  52. Professor Mudgrip Professor Mudgrip

    I’ve been ionized, but I’m OK now. Thank you for writing this!

  53. Anonymous Anonymous

    The guide was funny, but I was rather turned off to see that only “lingerie” was mentioned as a way to pull your geek away from the activity that he’s so consumed in that he doesn’t find giving his girlfriend any attention nearly as important. (Run on) Everything else is funny, especially since I’m a geek girl dating a geek guy and a lot seems true. But I’d rather sit it out and wait for him to come to me when he *obviously* has better things to do. Maybe I’ll hint at wanting to spend time–not pull out the naughty bits to distract him.

  54. Anonymous Anonymous

    great post…. i want a geeky-hot girl for this “geeky-hot” boy….so difficult to find :(

  55. Anonymous Anonymous

    Maybe I’m not geeky enough, myself. But after a year of college, I’ve found that video games are a very inconsistent way to de-stress. Sometimes it works completely and I get really pumped, but most of the time, I try to use it to escape but i just get stressed out with the game, if I’m losing. I find the best thing to de-stress is personal touch, back massages and hugs are really special to me, because it is absent in school, video games, and the computer.

  56. Very good advice.
    I am not sure I wold be crazy about getting gift cards unless newegg has giftcards or its a visa bank card that I can use at newegg or the local GameStop.

    You save money on lingerie just whisper in his ear that you need attention in the right way and any male will quit what he is doing. It has stopped many a Gear of War 2 games for me.

    I am not sure what #5 means but my wife and I are very different and that is what makes our relationship work. We are opposites and we attract.

  57. dead on. I’m not a hardcore geek, but these still apply completely.

  58. eltopo eltopo

    another page that makes me *want* to puke. reversed roles would have the feminists on the barricades.

    stop your pathetic “journalism” called “blogging”.

  59. Anonymous Anonymous

    awesome, i hope every girl reads this

  60. #4 is clutch. Best suggestion on the list.

  61. Anonymous Anonymous


    Excellent read. Cheers!

  62. KenG KenG

    Your amazing. I wish I knew you in RL.


  63. My boyfriend sent this to me and told me I needed to read it “right now”. I guess you must be right. Thank you. I will try and listen to these tips.

  64. Anonymous Anonymous

    More of the “Barbie’s” in the world need to take this advise. They are too into wanting all for themselves. Give your man a little room and something back and he will be much happier. Also, never try to change a man, he will only change what he wants not what is demanded.

  65. Anonymous Anonymous

    Some one said they were saving this, hell I am thinking of printing it out having all my social and relationship partners , read, sign and then have it notarized.

  66. Too true. Although if you can take some time to distinguish between which Transformers are the Autocons and which ones are the Deceptibots, you’ll go even farther with your geek. (joking)

  67. @Anonymous 2

    ::grin:: Um…it’s for fun. The day I think this is a real guide for woman. Yeah. Well.

    @Anonymous 3

    Check the first link I mentioned. It’s awesome.

  68. Anonymous Anonymous

    But what about geek females?

  69. This is pretty funny – and true! After many years of inappropriate short relationships, I met my (now) wife online and she’s a bigger scifi nut than me, loves a beer, gets very excited about power tools and is generally an all-round geek in her own field. We’ve been happily together for nearly ten years now. My advice is: don’t force a relationship. If it’s right, it will work – just remember that you like the guy because he’s a geek, so don’t try to change him!

  70. Anonymous Anonymous

    Seems like just an updated version of the fabled Good Wife’s Guide of the 1950’s.

  71. This article is right on the money. Except for #3, I employ all of these practices with my Geek of 17 years. As far as movies, I don’t even ask him to watch chick flicks. I know there are things he’d rather be doing (writing code, for instance), so I save watching movies for when he’s having Call of Duty game night with his online friends.

  72. items 1, 2, 3 – my own geek is proof positive of all of them. item 4 – since he hates shopping and I know what he loves, I always PRE-ORDER every gaming release I know he wants and have never been wrong. item 5 – helps if you are also a geek. Self – raising hand to self-identify as same.

  73. This is all so true. Tweetin’.

  74. Anonymous Anonymous

    I wish i had a geek lovin’ woman.

  75. My wife eventually learned #1 after many years of us being together. She pretty much describes it exactly the way you do (though she doesn’t call it “hurty brain”). She can tell my mood when I get home and has learned not to needle me about it, but to let me stew a bit first.

  76. Anonymous Anonymous

    OMG, +1 for mentioning Buckaroo Banzai. :D

  77. Lar Lar

    And this is why I love my wife so much :) She’s pretty much nailed my maintenance needs. I hope I do the same for her :)

  78. That is freaking awesome! So true, thank all the gods of dps that I was able to marry a woman that will drop everything to watch Buckaroo Banzai!

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