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Dear GeekBoy. ::grin:: The Update

Edit: I realized after reading this, that it needed a little explanation. This was a love note to geekboys in general since I’m a confirmed fan. And it could have been from me, from your current SO or anyone you may date in the future. It’s supposed to be fun and sweet and sexy and, yeah.

Oh, and in response to a few folks who have questioned my sincerity or motivation…Dude. If this pissed you off, ask yourself why? If it makes you smile. Good. That’s what I intended. Moving on ;-)

I’m going to tell the world a little secret about you, geekboy.

Now, I know you. I know you’ll shake your head and look away — with that wry chuckle and that little shrug, you know the one. You’re going to deny it when I say it and you’ll even sound sincere.

But I’m going to say it anyway ;p

You’re sexy.

You can disagree with me if you like. You can tell me I’m biased. You can argue about things like types and you can even pretend that you don’t want to believe me. But even if I am biased, even if I have a type, even if you think I’m utterly full of it, part of you wants to know why. I know you do.

And, because I’m an ornery little brat, I’m going to explain it. Here. Publicly. In detail.

I suggest you hold on to…something.

Let’s start with the basics. Everything starts with the most obvious (y’know, the things you could hardly refute without being a complete liar).

Intelligence is sexy.
Humor, which often rides tandem to intelligence — again, sexy.
Curiosity, the desire to learn, and the drive to excel? All three = sexy.

Not just because they are traits that any woman finds attractive, but (if you want to be really honest) they’re wonderful in a lover, wouldn’t you say?

With me so far? Are we agreed on those points and can we move on?


Let’s delve a bit.

You can be shy or bold, depending on surroundings. You defy general convention. Contrary to popular belief, you are rather hard to define or categorize.

I know, I know. You’ll toss media and public perception at me as some sort of argument. Sure, the movies portray you as hapless, hopeless, sightless…

(I mean, you don’t –always- wear glasses. Even if I love boys in glasses and why do you always have such intriguing eyes, wait, where was I?)

…but I know better.

Oh and, for the record, let me pause and clarify something. I know that you may not be ready to believe me. You may not see all of the things I see. Maybe you haven’t had a woman come right out and tell you these things.

But if I leave you with nothing else, I want you to know this…one…thing.

You are sexy. Period. End of line.

You may need to learn how to be. Or find that key bit of data to make you grok the fact. You may need someone who sits across the table from you and nods as you speak, or who makes the first move, asks for the first kiss. You may need a bit of a jump start or a lot of hints.

But I see it already and, I’m telling you, damn babe



(as a note, I wrote this because I was thinking of a post for, but liked it so much I wanted to post it here. So, maybe they’ll either link to it or let me do a piece for them. Either way, I appreciate the…inspiration)


  1. Jim Jim

    I feel warm all of a sudden. Cute post. Reminds me of a day when girls liked me once.

  2. Iko Iko


    You ask, “I’m just putting out the physical factor as a reminder that being smart and having a great personality is great for a friend, but is it enough for a lover?”


    One doesn’t need to look like Casanova to *be* Casanova in bed… and many geeky girls, myself included, would take the smart, great personality with the average looks over the Greek god with a peanut for a brain.

    Ok, maybe I’d *sleep* with the latter and have him for an umfriend, but he wouldn’t be the guy I would pursue for a long term, satisfying (intellectually, emotionally, physically) relationship.

    My partner is not the greatest in the social department. (Have you seen the trailer for *Adam*? My partner is practically him.) But he has good hygiene (showers at least once a day) and knows not to make a scene in public (for the most part). I’m ok with that. I’m fine being the social butterfly between the two of us. I’m fine with him having a strange sense of humor, mostly because I share it and we have lots of little jokes between us that makes others look at us funny… but that’s ok! I’m not in my relationship with him for the benefit of the rest of the world, anyway. I find *him* interesting. He is smart. He’s funny. And **damn** he is sexy because of it.

    I get what you’re saying. In today’s society, physical attributes do count for something. However, how one looks is something that I, as a geek female, can disregard easier because it just isn’t as important to me as intelligence when looking for a longtime companion.

    My guy was the only one that really approached me, chatted with me, and gave me his number and email address when I attended my very first meeting of the Japanese Animation club on campus when I was in college. He told me that he learned he needed to put himself out there, be willing to be rejected, in order to catch someone. Plus, being geeky myself, I sort of need big flashing signs that say, “Hello! I like you!” presented to me.

    Geeky guys need to be unafraid to approach what appear to be geeky girls when they indulge in their geeky interests, like the anime clubs or ACM (I was a member in college) or at gaming conventions (I attend those too). One finds geeky women in geeky environments. They’re in my fandoms. Heck, I know a lot of single geeky women in my primary fandom, *Doctor Who*! We’re out there and looking for geeky guys too. Unfortunately, being geeky means that we also have similar difficulties approaching guys we like.

  3. As a single geek guy who neither looks like Jabba the Hut nor like his face just climbed out of the twisted steel and shattered glass that once was a car, I’m just curious, where are those mystical geeky women?

  4. Anonymous Anonymous

    @Hammer, oh don’t get me wrong – and maybe I was unclear on that – I’m not saying intelligence and being interesting are less important than looks. Well, unless all you care about is physical.

    There are a bunch of factors there, lacking too much in any one of them is most likely going to be fatal to the relationship. A big point being made here that intelligence and such are factors, which is good to remember. I’m just putting out the physical factor as a reminder that being smart and having a great personality is great for a friend, but is it enough for a lover?

    I suppose while I’m being a wet blanket I should also point out that more than a few of us geeks have emotional and social problems as well. The classic one is of course no idea how to deal with other human beings without coming off as a total ass. Or at least a complete goof.

    But there are others that come up fairly often. If you look at someone and think something like “kinda cute, smart, interesting… and prone to bouts of extreme anxiety and depression…” you’re probably going to start backing away.

    In the end I’m just trying to remind people that there are reasons that we geeks are seen as misfits in the world.

    Makes me wonder though. Are the geeks that make it in the world (i.e. find love, have families, and find some degree of happiness) the majority of us, or the minority?

    No idea.

  5. @ Anonymous

    I like looking at healthy looking men and women. But if they open their mouths and I find them lacking in opinions, interests and common sense, then all the good looks in the world aren’t going to keep me interested.

    I want to be in a relationship who will challenge me mentally, someone who can grasp what I’m talking about when I’m talking about my degree subject and who has similar interests they can share with me. I want someone with their own mind, not a pretty face who votes for the political party I vote for because they don’t really understand politics (real life example btw, several times – apparently politics degrees make you catnip for people with no idea about politics :-S ).

    Maybe I’m a bit bigoted because I want that, a bit elitist, but I can live that. Mainly because I’ll be happy.

    Great, and very cute post :)

  6. Anonymous Anonymous

    As a geek guy who is totally unsuccessful with women – and when I do end up with someone they rip my heart out and step on it – I have to put a note of moderation here.

    Looks do matter. Anyone who says they don’t is a liar. Man or woman. It matters.

    Maybe they shouldn’t, but the reality is they do. Actually there is a very basic reason that looks matter, I’ll get to that.

    Now, I’m not saying a woman has to look like Megan Fox (Cindy Crawford for my day), or Carrie Fisher in Jedi. For the women, the guy doesn’t have to look like Brad Pitt – or Harrison Ford in Star Wars.

    By no means. People are usually more realistic than that. Those super hot people may be desired (and there are some geeks that look like them – e.g. Vin Diesel is a geek and I think there are a few girls who get their motor started just looking at him), but in general we don’t aim that high.

    But there is the other extreme too. If he looks more like Jabba the Hutt, I don’t think the girl is going to be that interested. At the very least Hygene and basic grooming are required. Skinny people are rarely interested in ‘plus sized’ people, and vice versa as well. And if you have a face like a road accident… well, that’s tough to overcome.

    The simple truth is that the vast majority of the time, for people to think of each other in a romantic way first requires they think of each other in a *sexual* way. It makes sense, its our fundamental drive – to reproduce – and a desire to have sex with someone is at a basic level a desire to reproduce with that person. Yes, intelligence is a desired trait for reproduction, but the physical – which is usually about reproductive ability or generating a healthy child – is a major factor as well.

    So in most cases to get a relationship started requires that there be a physical component. At least a little one to start with. We have to be able to look at your SO and get hot for them just from seeing them.

    To make the relationship last, or to move beyond the “they’re hot” feelings requires what our Fair Lady Geek was saying here, but don’t pretend the looks and physical aspect doesn’t matter. And that is where the geeks are in trouble.

    As I pointed out, there are hot geeks out there. There are a great many normal geeks out there. And there are some of us that are geeks because we never fit in to begin with, and we became geeks as a result, seeking something where we could belong despite being shunned by regular society.

    And – you can thank my last girlfriend for this part – there is always the danger that those of ‘unconventional looks’ are settling. If you are unattractive – or at least think you are – the first person that comes along and expresses the slightest interest in you might cause you to swear undying love.

    Do you actually love and desire this person? Or do you merely want to be with *someone* as opposed to being alone, and they are good enough?

    Would you ever really know?

    Thing is, settling isn’t fair to either of you. And probably will lead to much unhappiness later.

  7. Iko Iko


    I disagree. There are many healthy people out there that I do not think are sexy at all because they’ve demonstrated a clear lack of intelligence.

    And intelligence can be very, very sexy. As a teenager, I had three black and white posters of the men I adored: Robert Heinlein, William Gibson, and Frank Herbert. All of them were a good three to four times my age (or dead), but I didn’t care – I thought they were sexy. Their writing turned me on, made me think and there’s something about *my* brain (I’m a 100% geek gal) that equates demonstrations of intelligence with sexiness and increased physical attractiveness.

    My current partner, of 15+ years, is 100% geek (or the mathematics, history, and gaming variety). He is, objectively, not the handsomest or healthiest man in the world… but he is the sexiest man in the world *to me*, which is why I drag him for adult playtime on a regular and frequent basis. I don’t just want him to know that I think he’s sexy, I want him to *feel* sexy too, because he is. He is very sexy. And I am one lucky geek gal.

  8. Thanks GGD, that really brought a smile to my day :)

  9. Well done! I’m glad you got around to posting today I was a bit worried earlier that you were overcome with the sale items :) The only thing that could have made this better would be bacon!

  10. @Anonymous

    All of the above are your opinion. ::shrug::

    I stand by my version.

    And you’re the one using terms like “repressed nerds” or saying they’re unhealthy. Which, in my opinion, means you miss the point and that the post wasn’t meant for you anyway.

  11. Anonymous Anonymous

    curiosity = interesting
    Inteligence = interesting
    humor = interesting

    health = sexy <- read this right here.

    common mistake. Though I suppose telling repressed nerds they’re sexy is definitly one way to get fans.

  12. That’s a brilliant post. I love how you focus on the real attributes of a person (personality) rather than the fleeting ones that “sexy” is commonly used to refer to.

    In normal usage of the word I don’t think I’m sexy, in the more elaborate use you applied, I agree with you.

  13. please marry me. Really.

  14. Problem is there is a lack of these women out there that know I’m sexy. Looking for that geek girl is really hard.

  15. Good on you, darlin’. And, you know, he may shrug it off and play it like it’s no big deal outwardly, but I guarantee that it’ll hit home. Us guys don’t often take compliments any other way, but damn do they feel good.

  16. I need a time machine and a few hours with my younger self to send him on a different path that embraces the geek side of the Force.

    Plus, while I’m in the past, I’ll load up on 7-Up Gold, Wacky Fruit Bubble Yum, and vanilla Hostess Pudding Pies.


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